When Addressing Sibling Conflict, Discipline Kids Separately

One of the most challenging aspects of family life is sibling conflict. You want your children to have close relationships but differing personalities, competitiveness, and immaturity often gets in the way.

Conflict between brothers and sisters is a child’s first class in relationship school. Your home is the classroom, you are the teacher, and a healthy plan for working on conflict is the curriculum. Each conflict situation becomes an opportunity for teaching children how to relate more effectively.

One of the most important strategies for addressing sibling conflict is to discipline the children separately, not together. Kids have an amazing way of deflecting discipline when they’re together.

When two children are fighting, call one out of the room and talk about how to deal with the conflict. Some parents feel like they must stop everything and administer consequences to both kids in order to parent effectively. A better response is to train them in the moment. By removing just one of the kids you’re able to help that child develop a plan for the situation. When your son complains that you’re only disciplining him and not his sister, explain to him that he and his sister need help in different ways, and right now you’re helping him.

Teach children how to confront, ignore, negotiate, talk about problems, compromise, and be peacemakers. And when they’ve reached a point of frustration, rather than lash out, they need to get help, typically from you. Counsel the child and then send him or her back into the situation to try again. You may call the same child out of an activity five or ten times in an hour to continue to point out the change that needs to take place. Help children know what right actions are appropriate, and as long as they’re willing to try to do the right thing, send them back into the situation to practice. If necessary, call the second child out and give helpful suggestions to that child as well.

Recognizing that sibling conflict is an opportunity for relationship training gives the conflict a whole new perspective. As you listen to your children’s interaction you’ll be able to identify specific skills they need, buttons that are easily pushed, and relating weaknesses that need to be addressed.

This parenting tip comes from the book Parenting Shifts, 50 Heart-Based Strategies to Keep You Growing in Your Parenting by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Family Week! One more week to enjoy with your family before the new year launches!

Are you enjoying the Christmas break?  Although the holidays are over, we now have our first family week of the year... so enjoy one more week with your family before we jump back into church activity!  That's the purpose of Family Week after all:  to give families more time to spend together without all the busy schedule of church activities... at least for one week a month.  Of course, it's also a great time to invite other families over for fellowship & hospitality in your home.

Now this week may be a bit different... because it's the beginning of the year, we are having a major prayer thrust every night during family week.  So you may want to join us here at the church around 6pm every night to worship and pray for the upcoming year.  But if NOT, well, then spend it with your kids talking and interacting over something besides video games.  Try it.  It's worth it!  And the time will fly by before you know it and be gone if you don't seize the day!

Why a Bedtime is Important

One of the gifts parents can give their children is teaching and developing the character quality of self-discipline. With young children, in particular, bedtime is a good place to start. Children often don't want to go to bed and the continual battle night after night is draining, causing many parents to just give up and allow children to stay up later.

A bedtime for children is good for them as well as for their parents. Enforcing it though, means extra work for a while. Here are some suggestions for working with young children to make bedtimes work more effectively.

1) Start the bedtime routine earlier so that it doesn't all get crammed into the last few minutes. If bedtime is 8:00 pm then start the routine at 7:30 by getting on pajamas and completing a bathroom routine. Then enjoy some relaxed time with children, reading or playing or just talking together.

2) At bedtime, tuck each child in individually. Use this time to continue to debrief about the day in preparation for a good night sleep and pleasant dreams. You may pray, sing, and hug your child. Different families do different things to make it fun and meaningful.

3) Enforce quietness. A child may not feel tired so lying quietly is all you can require. You may have to sit in the doorway or just outside the door to make sure the child doesn't get up, turn the light on, or start playing.

4) If a child gets up or calls out. Quickly, calmly, and firmly, get the child back in bed with as little dialogue as possible. One dad was surprised to find that the first night he had to take his three-year-old son back to bed over 20 times. After a few days, though, he saw tremendous improvement. His son realized that bedtime was nonnegotiable.

5) Hang in there, be consistent, and invest in the self-discipline development of your child. You and your children will benefit from the work you put into the process.

Bedtimes are opportunities to build relationship, but there comes a point where building self-discipline takes priority. Young children are happier and more pleasant to work with once they've learned self-discipline in their lives. It's work but it's worth it in the end.

This parenting tip comes from the book Home Improvement, the Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Merry Christmas from the Robinson Family!

There is no C.W. Playhouse service this Sunday in favor of a special Christmas Family Service!

A few of our families, including kids, are performing some special songs.

Kids Church will resume on Dec. 30^th with the beginning of a new 4 week series through January!

This series will be gearing us up for a focus on the Kings of Israel & Judah this spring and a new Medieval theme which will carry us all the way through our summer VBS!

Last Call for Pop-Out Money!! Get it in by the end of the Year to count!!

If you have not yet turned in your child’s Pop-Out money, we need it this week or it will not get counted for this year’s total!   

WE HAVE REACHED OUT 2012 GOAL OF $2,500!!

That means a BGMC party next year 

WITH Dunk Tank!

Christmas, a Time to Teach Generosity

Christmas is a highlight in the life of most children, but much of the benefit is focused on what they get. Of course one of the blessings of Christmas is giving, so look for ways to teach children generosity this year.

Here are some ideas:

Involves kids in your gift-giving strategy or help them develop their own. Planning, shopping, and wrapping can each provide ways for children to think about blessing others.

Anticipate with your children the delight others will experience when the gifts are opened. Help your child enjoy the fun others will have when receiving gifts.

Ask children the question: "What are you doing this year to make Christmas special for someone else?"

This question alone can help young children as well as teens think of others instead of just themselves. A short discussion can help move kids from selfish tendencies to generosity. The joy of giving is usually discovered only through the practice of giving, so make thinking of others a requirement.

And most importantly, remind children of the generosity of God by sending us the most special gift: his Son.

Generosity is a heart quality. To learn more about developing heart qualities in your children, take a look at chapter 8 in the book, Home Improvement, the Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids, by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.