Thursday, October 28, 2010

THE END OF THE WORLD IS NIGH! The World-wide flood hits this Weekend in the CW Playhouse! "Don't Miss the Boat!"


This weekend, God's Judgement falls on the ancient world as our Outback Adventure continues in a lesson called, "Don't Miss the Boat!" Besides looking at the plausibility of the Ark as a tool to save mankind and every animal kind on the earth, we'll look at the benefits of Obeying God through the life of Noah. Don't let your kids miss this exciting lesson about the World-wide catastrophe as Tasmania Jones and the History Hunters lead them through the greatest storm in history!

Do Family Nights Really Benefit Your Kids?


Family faith night or Family Devotions — a time when you and your kids study Scripture and grow spiritually together — is one of the hottest topics among churches, ministries and parents today.

In fact, Awana recently published an article filled with family faith night ideas. You can find a range of resources for family night, too, like the Awana at Home® Parent Kit JellyTelly® Edition arriving at the Awana Store October 15. Awana teamed with VeggieTales® Creator Phil Vischer on the kit. Awana also has the Awana at Home Parent Kit Adventures in Odyssey Edition available now.

But does family faith night really benefit families, or just add another activity to crammed schedules?

As a family faith night “practitioner” for nine years, I can say from experience it definitely blesses my family. Here are 10 ways family faith night benefits kids — and parents. This list is not exhaustive. But in no particular order, family night …

1. Gets you and your kids reading and discussing God’s Word as a family
. What activity trumps the importance of families studying Scripture together?

2. Gives you a powerful tool for passing your faith to your children and teens. You’re fulfilling Psalm 78:4 — We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, His power, and the wonders He has done.

3. Provides a regular platform for you to answer your kids’ spiritual questions. Once family faith night becomes a tradition, your children will feel safe asking questions they have about God, the Bible, evil, angels, heaven and problems they face daily.

4. Teaches your kids that the Bible is the trustworthy truth source for your life and theirs. As they see you turning to Scripture and relying on its wisdom, they’ll learn that they can base their lives on its promises, instructions and commands, too.

5. Teaches your children how to study God’s Word. By studying Scripture with you, they learn through the years how to figure out what verses and passages mean. It’s like having a personal Bible tutor.

6. Shows your kids how to apply God’s Word to their lives. They learn this not only during your family night studies but also by your example as you apply verses you’ve read together to your own life. Remember: Your kids are watching your every move.

7. Sends the message that your children are vitally important to you. Most kids receive love through the gift of time. By carving out time in your schedule each week or each day for a family night (or breakfast), you’re sending them the message that you love and value them.

8. Opens communication channels between you and your children. I don’t know if the stat is true that the average father spends three minutes a day in meaningful conversation with his kids. If it is, that’s absentee parenting. Regular family nights connect you with your children. The result? Your kids will open up to you more willingly. Why? Because they know and trust you.

9. Gives opportunities to teach your children the key spiritual disciplines, or habits, for a successful relationship with God. You can incorporate a variety of practices into your family faith nights: taking prayer requests, praying for each other and for others, singing praise songs together, inviting other Christian families to join you for fellowship and even serving others in your church and community — such as baking cookies for a shut-in, writing letters to missionaries or taking a couple of hours to rake leaves for an elderly neighbor.

10. Grows you closer as a family. And, if you have more than one child, they grow closer together, too. Family night acts like super glue. Besides Scripture, you can play games together, make up skits or other fun activities. You spend time learning, growing, laughing, praying and playing together. It becomes a cherished part of your week — and your life.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Awana Fall Theme Night!


Don't forget that tonight is Fall Theme Night so remind your kids to wear fall colors and patterns. If they're into it like my daughter, they'll weave together a tiarra of leaves or a grass skirt or hang dried leaves from their ears or any number of crazy things, all of which are perfectly acceptable. (Note: this is NOT a Halloween theme night.) The emphasis is on autumn or even harvest!


THE FUN BEGINS TONIGHT AT 6:30! SEE YOU THEN!

The Virtue of Boredom


Famed physicist Freeman Dyson argues for the virtue of boredom for kids by saying, "Being bored is the only time you are creative." Interesting. In our fast-paced, texting, Xbox nation, kids today have little free time to do nothing. But it's in that "nothing" time that great thinking is done. Be sure to set limits on TV and video game time, phone conversations and even homework. It's okay for your kids to occasionally not have a lot to do. And it will be remarkable to see what they come up with.

Now that you turned off the TV, turn on family dinnertime. Check out the Family Dinner post from last week!


“If I could wave a magic wand to make a dent in our nation's substance abuse problem, I would make sure that every child in America had dinner with his or her parents at least five times a week.”
Joseph A. Califano, Jr.




Huddle up and ask your kids tonight: Do you think it is important to sometimes have quiet, alone time with no distractions? Why or why not?

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Outback Adventure: Lessons from the World-Wide Flood


This weekend kicks-off the new 4 week mini-series in the Outback Adventure as the History Hunters focus on Noah's Ark and the World-Wide Flood!
In these next few weeks, we'll continue our focus on Apologetics teaching as we look at the effects of a world-wide flood on the earth's geology and fossil records, as well as explore how Noah's Ark could have been feasible EVEN FOR DINOSAURS!
But more than that, we'll be looking at how to live a Christian life in a wicked world!
So join Tasmania Jones and the History Hunters for more adventures in the Outback as we explore the 3rd major C of History: the Catastrophe!

Work/Family Tension


A young woman, Sarah, wrote us the following e-mail: "My dad is the most important person in the world to me, even though he doesn't have much time to spend with me. That affected me negatively in the teen years. If you want me to cry at the drop of the hat, just get me to thinking about him someday dying, and leaving me without him. I can be doing anything and when that thought floats by, I'm reduced to sobbing. I wish my dad knew how much he could heal in my family if he would just make us feel more important than work."

Why are workaholics more likely to fail at both their job and their family?

A new look at an old study sheds some light on the classic dilemma for dads: How do you balance career and family?

I'm sure you've faced the question: do I put more time in at work - to insure I keep my job, pursue career advancement, or expand my business? Or, do I drop whatever I'm doing and head home in order to be with the family? It's a never-ending tension: how much time do I spend where?

You'll be glad to hear about some new research, which found that the very challenge - the tension - that results from trying to give our best to both worlds may be actually helping us men - in both areas.

John Snarey of Emory University has done a unique study in which he's been able to examine the effect of fathers on their children.

The study is based on interviews conducted soon after World War II, and then periodically with the same men and their children over the next four decades. Based on the interviews, he ranked the fathers as "not involved," "somewhat involved," or "involved" fathers.

Overall, Snarey found that involved fathers "may have delayed writing a paper or put off some other project, but in the long run [the involved] fathers went just as far in their work as comparable men did who were less involved with their kids." In fact, fathers who were involved in two particular ways - in their children's mental development and their adolescents' social development - went further on average in their careers than dads who weren't.

As I consider this tension between time at work and our time at home, I like to picture a tent. The tent is held up by tension - one rope pulls one way to a stake in the ground, while another pulls the other way. If one rope isn't tight, the tent sags. And if one rope is pulled too tight, it also collapses. Without just the right amount of tension, the roof of the tent can't do its job.

Now - thanks to John Snarey - we have evidence that that very tension may be good for us.


Huddle up and ask your kids tonight: If I worked one hour less each week, what would you like to do?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Outback Adventure Progress Report (and VIDEO!)


Two C's of History have been completed! The 7 Days of Creation have been thoroughly covered over the first 2 months of our OUTBACK ADVENTURE and this past weekend we covered the Corruption of that creation that God said was originally "very good." It was a powerful lesson as lights went on in the eyes of some of our kids who realized for the first time how serious sin is and they understood that an innocent animal had to be killed to cover Adam and Eve, just as Jesus had to die to cover our sin! We had 4 kids give their hearts to Jesus for the first time this Sunday and had a powerful altar time!


We hope you'll talk to your kids about the effects of sin on God's perfect creation. This is the perfect lesson to discuss with your children the reasons why there is so much death and suffering in the world today and why Millions of years of evolution can't be true if the Bible is correct (and we KNOW it is). The Bible says sin and death entered the world as a RESULT of Adam's sin, so there couldn't be millions of years of death and mutation before that. What excellent teaching our kids are getting! Talk to them about it and reinforce it at home.


And for fun, check out this video clip and see some of the fun we have in the CW Playhouse on the weekends while exploring the Genesis in the Great Outback:

This weekend we shift to the 3rd C of history: Catastrophe (Noah's Ark and the world-wide Flood!)

Bringing Back Family Dinners to Your Home


Think back to dinner last night. Last year. Ten years ago. When you were in college. When you were a kid. The further you go back into that blurry montage of faddy kitchen designs and bad hairstyles, the less you probably recall about what exactly was on your plate. Sure, there was that brief but thrilling fascination with fondue, but if you're like me, the food itself is an impressionistic smorgasbord compared with the real memories—setting the table with paper napkins and armfuls of salad-dressing bottles, balancing precariously on the hind legs of your chair, Dad's corny jokes—which are as easy to recall today as what you ate for lunch two hours ago.

The point is: Psychologically, we aren't so much what we eat as how we eat it. And that trusty meal, as much as we griped about it then and stress about it now, paints an intimate portrait of our families and of us as individuals. So it wasn't too surprising when experts studying obesity, depression, drug abuse—you name it—recently started shining a spotlight on shared meals as a valuable insurance policy for our kids. According to an 11-year survey conducted by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA), teens who eat with their families at least five times a week are less likely to do drugs, drink, and smoke cigarettes than those who share meals less frequently. They're also more confident, less stressed-out, more likely to get As and Bs, and more inclined to confide in their parents. They eat better, too. Another study shows that family-dinner devotees consume more fruit and vegetables and less soda and trans-fatty food, both at home and outside it. They even have a better vocabulary.




The Logistical Challenge
Okay, okay—we get it. But the sad reality is that 8 out of 10 American households find shared meals a logistical challenge, according to a 2004 study. Between parents who get home just an hour before toddlers' bedtimes, single-parent juggling acts, and kids whose after-school activities chew up the dinner hour, when are we supposed to eat, let alone cook? And all the studies lead to more questions: Do we really have to eat together every night? Starting when the kids are in diapers? Always at home? Does wolfing down pizza pockets in the minivan count?

Thank goodness for the clarity served up in The Surprising Power of Family Meals, by Miriam Weinstein, a documentarian and mother of two grown children in Manchester-by-the-Sea, Massachusetts. "I am not advocating a return to some Neverland of meatloaf and ruffled aprons," she writes. "If an institution is anywhere near as good as I'm saying supper is, it must be flexible, reflecting who we are at this time in our culture, in our lives."


Changing the Rules
Take a look at most American families that dine together and you'll see lots of adaptations to the tradition. Kasia Chodyla, a biologist in Tallahassee, Florida, pushes dinner as late as 8 p.m. so everyone can be present. Wiley and Malcolm Turner, ages 6 and 4, who eat with their babysitter in Brooklyn, have a "second dinner" (more like a sit-down snack) when their parents get home from work. To make the weekly dinner grind less daunting, Jill Geyer of Winston-Salem, North Carolina, enlists each of her three daughters, ages 7, 9, and 11, to help cook one dinner a week.




The Microwave Did It
Tweaking the tradition is fine. Forgoing it completely is not—and that, Weinstein explains, is exactly what started happening over the course of the last generation, when many of us became too busy for our own good. Some would argue, though, that dinner was doomed even earlier. By the time the foil was peeled back from the first TV dinner in 1953, "the reigning value in the modern kitchen was convenience, not coziness, or even apple pie," writes Laura Shapiro in Perfection Salad. Fast-forward from Hamburger Helper to Lean Cuisine and it's no wonder boomers and Gen Xers have a reputation for getting lost in their own kitchens.

Geared toward professional—and not necessarily domestic—success, we grew up channeling the extra time granted by kitchen conveniences not into our family lives, but into extracurriculars and work. And so, in many households, dinner gradually devolved into quick meals at the kitchen island, in cars to and from activities, and, in extreme cases, alone in front of the TV or computer.

"I don't know anyone who eats together with their family during the week, and I live in the burbs!" says Barb Burg Schieffelin, a publishing executive from Irvington, New York. She and her husband don't get home until after their kids, ages 9 and 11, have eaten. But on Fridays, the family celebrates Schieffelin Shabbat, a candlelit take-out feast that's a modern-day twist on her fond memories of before-temple meals.




Is It Chicken or Egg?
It bears mentioning that the positive effect of family dinner is a bit of a chicken-or-egg issue: Are kids better off simply because they're eating with their parents? Or are there other forces at play in the lives of families who make eating together a priority? "Families that sit down together for dinner have a greater likelihood of being more involved with their children in general," says Beth Le Poire, Ph.D., the author of a textbook on familial communication. In other words, they head potential problems off at the pass. There's also the routine of dinner itself: "Rituals provide stability and structure for children's lives," she says. "Children do better when they know what to expect."


Set the Tone (and the table)
Of course, the dinner table isn't always a sea of calm, what with picky eaters, raging hormones, and garden-variety familial dramas. "So be it," says Robert E. Emery, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Virginia and the author of The Truth About Children and Divorce. "Children learn both good manners and emotional regulation when you say, 'Will you please try to get along and just enjoy dinner?' " (Parents might want to remember this, too.)

At least we know what constructive family dinners look like: The TV is off. Everyone is accounted for. Adults eat sensible portions of healthy food so the kids can learn to do the same. But only one study, commissioned by the television channels TV Land and Nick at Nite, demonstrates how busy families manage to achieve this: Two-thirds of respondents said they eat prepared foods. Ironically, convenience food—the very thing that initially pulled us away from the table—is now steering us back, this time with a family-centric result.




Good-for-You Fast Food
According to a 2006 CASA study, the number of families eating together has increased from 47 percent to 58 percent over the last eight years. It's no surprise that this rise has coincided with the new breed of feel-good fast food—from grab-and-go supermarket dinners to boxes of organic mac-and-cheese. Skyrocketing Crock-Pot sales and the success of seemingly improbable businesses like Dream Dinners (which lets shoppers assemble weeks' worth of freezable meals in a couple of hours) also exemplify a society ready to reclaim family dining. Families are even hiring chefs—not private ones employed by well-to-do households, but personal chefs who prepare meals for multiple clients and freeze them for future dinnertimes. Candy Wallace, founder of the American Personal Chef Association, says her industry has jumped from next to nothing 10 years ago to 8,000 personal chefs serving some 70,000 people in 2005. "Many of our clients are two-income families, some of which have never turned on their stoves," she says.




Commit to it ... and skip soccer
Creative solutions like these make shared meals—plus a liberal approach to dining out—possible for today's busy families. But yet another hurdle for those with school-age kids is finding ways to carve out time from the extracurricular rat race. Jill Geyer, in Winston-Salem, keeps dinner in mind when she's signing her three daughters up for after-school activities. "We try to limit it to one sport per child," she says.

Miriam Weinstein realizes her advice touches a raw nerve. "Parents are led to believe that if they drag their children around to more activities, the kids will be better off. But the evidence does not support this," she says. "When you talk to the kids separate from their parents, they really would rather be with their families." And frankly, Weinstein adds, few of our kids are going to turn out to be professional soccer players or concert flutists. "Most, however, will have families of their own."


Article by: Dana Bowen

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Outback Adventure Lesson 9: Corruption & the Fall of Mankind




Creation week is behind us. Everything God made is "very good." But all of that is about to change as this weekend we move from Perfect Creation to the Corruption of all things and the Fall of mankind! We'll be wrestling with the concepts of pain and suffering and wickedness and war in a sad lesson that yet has a redeeming silver lining. Even as God punished his children He didn't leave us without hope.




Join Tasmania Jones, Crumpler Kangaroo, Packard Platypus, Rowdy Raccoon and the rest of the History Hunters either Saturday night at 5:30pm or 10am on Sunday morning!

Making Parenting Shifts

As children grow and mature, parents must make adjustments in the way they parent. Some of those changes are minor or subtle; others are more significant. In the same way that children go through developmental stages, parents must learn to adapt by shifting the way they interact, care for, and discipline their children. Just when you think you've got it all figured out, your child changes and you feel like you're starting all over again.

For instance, when that tiny infant comes home from the hospital, the baby quickly becomes the focus of attention. The infant sets the schedule for feedings and for sleeping. Often both parents have to adapt their lives around one small child. However, as your baby begins to grow and develop, you change too. You no longer jump for every cry. You begin to set limits on a mobile child and determine a meal schedule for a toddler. One major parenting shift takes place when infants become toddlers.

A common parenting mistake happens when parents don't make the teenage parenting shift. They continue to treat their teens as if they were nine or ten years old. Parents who don't make the necessary adjustments, experience increased friction and frustration in family dynamics. As children mature, parents can now communicate with them in a more adult manner by listening and explaining. Change comes through compromise and mutual agreement rather than always strictly complying with the parents' instructions.

Teens need more discussion about issues and concerns. Discipline involves more explaining and talking rather than just requiring compliance. A parent may say, "I'm not going to make you give your little brother one of the cookies you made for school, but I'd like to talk about it. I'd like to hear what you're thinking because it seems selfish to me."

As your children grow, be ready to grow with them and make the necessary changes to influence them effectively.

This parenting tip is taken from the chapter on teens in the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. It's a book about honor and talks about how we treat one another inside and outside the family.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Awana Clubs Resume Tomorrow Night!


6:30pm to 8pm!

Parental Sarcasm is No Joke


Biting words can leave children with emotional scars.
by Paul Coughlin

When I was 11 years old, a teacher called our house to deliver some exceptional news. She told my mother that I qualified to be placed in a class for gifted students. My mother replied, "Him? He can't even find his shoes in the morning!"

That swift and chuckling phrase, delivered in her charming Irish brogue, was deployed nearly 30 years ago. Yet whenever I think of it, I feel stripped and humiliated anew.

Such is the wounding power of parental sarcasm — a vice I struggle to keep contained as I raise my own children.

If sarcasm were a spiritual gift, I would be its chief apostle. This double-edged sword, able to spark laughter as well as inflict pain, is in my parental DNA. Through much soul-searching, it has taken me years to find that thin line between good-natured fatherly teasing and camouflaged mockery.

Double edge
Sarcasm's good and bad sides are found throughout the Bible. The prophet Elijah used it as an instrument of truth through humor when he mocked the priests of Baal (1 Kings 18:27). Jesus employed this potent rhetorical device on the Pharisees when He said, "You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel" (Matthew 23:24).

The Bible also shows us sarcasm's self-justifying and sneaky side, as in the case of Cain's slaying of Abel:

"Then the LORD said to Cain, 'Where is your brother Abel?'

"'I don't know,' he replied. 'Am I my brother's keeper?'" (Genesis 4:9)

As I studied sarcasm throughout the Bible, I found that God, His Son and the prophets didn't use it against the weak, timid or humble. They never unleashed it upon a child. Rather, it was used against people who were stubborn, self-righteous or arrogant.

Hidden barbs
Parental sarcasm, on the other hand, is often a hiding place for undisclosed anger, annoyance, even jealousy. It provides parents the dishonest opportunity to wound without looking like they're wounding; they can later fall back on the age-old cop-out, "I didn't mean it. Can't you take a joke?" Sarcasm favors parents, who are much more proficient at using it than children. Because of this unequal power, parental sarcasm can be a form of bullying.

I find that the temptation toward parental sarcasm flows most when I'm afraid, in pain or disappointed. During these moments, sarcasm becomes an expression of my darkest fears or insecurities.

I'm not advocating a home without humor, but parents need to use the right kind of humor and the right kind of sarcasm — the exposure of irony or wrongdoing without contempt or belittlement.

The fine line
Here's an example: Say your oldest son came home past his curfew last week, and you showed him grace and forgiveness. Then his younger brother came home late this week, and your oldest son demands you lower the hammer on him. Suppose you said, "Aren't you perfect, Mr. Hypocrite?"

Your sarcasm would be accurate, but it would also be needlessly harsh. Instead you could say, "Remind me, what did Jesus say again about a plank being in someone's eye?" This response points out the irony of his moral failure, but it doesn't condemn him.

Sarcasm must be used with great skill or people get hurt. Some parents don't have this skill, so they shouldn't use sarcasm at all.

Walking away from sarcasm is like giving up your favorite junk food. It takes a game plan. To quell my appetite for sarcasm, I watch my intake. I avoid TV shows steeped in mocking or disrespectful humor, and I don't read authors or magazines known for a cynical approach toward life.

Parents should remember that sharp words, even when said with a smile, can leave a child with an emotional, spiritual and psychological black eye. As the expression goes, it's only funny when both people are laughing.

This article first appeared in the Parents Edition of the May, 2008 issue of Focus on the Family magazine. Copyright © 2008 Paul Coughlin. All rights reserved.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Mad Hat Day Pictures!



Ms. Aimee wearing the 1st place Mad Hat designed by Rebekah Robinson...
... and PK modeling the Napolean Dynamite Time Machine hat!

Ms. Lou with Laura Cronce, the designer of the 2nd place hat.


Pastor Nick, THE Mad Hatter!
Thanks to the 8 special people who showcased our wonderful hats in church yesterday, especially those who jumped in at the last minute! It just wouldn't be the same if the kids made these hats and didn't get to see them worn in church. In the end, these 9 hats brought in almost $190 for BGMC!



Should We Protect Them?


Should I protect my kids from the pain and bad influences of the world or should I let them learn what the world is all about?

It's a good question and the answer is that we do both. Sometimes outside influences undermine the very lessons we're trying to teach our children. Kids imitate others and are sometimes easily drawn into foolishness and negative behavior patterns. Poor role models teach poor responses to conflict, angry reactions to disappointment, and bad attitudes of various kinds. Many children are easily drawn in to inappropriate actions and thinking patterns.

Although protection can be helpful for a period of time, it's also productive to have children see the contrast between their family and those that are falling apart. Furthermore, when your children can take a stand for what's right, others benefit and so do they.

Each child is different and the key questions have to do with character. Is your child responsible? We like to define responsibility as doing what's right even when no one is watching. Can your child take a stand for righteousness even under pressure? If not, then maybe allowing too much freedom too early will hinder instead of help the child's growth and maturity.

Of course, as children become more responsible and mature, they can help others who aren't. Many people lack the basic skills that your children are learning. When they're ready, your kids can be great assets to others who are struggling. When making such important decisions you have to take each child's character into account. Don't measure maturity by age. Use character as your measuring stick.

This tip comes from the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. It's a book about honor and talks about how we treat one another inside and outside the family.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Have you Hugged an Education Volunteer Lately?

JUST A FEW OF LAST YEARS MAD HAT WINNERS!






AND THE WINNER OF 2009:
WHO WILL WIN THIS YEAR!?!

This is Family week and in this weekend's services we'll be recognizing and appreciating our Nursery Volunteers and Sunday School Teachers. So join us for an exciting family service and help us appreciate and pray for our wonderful, behind-the-scenes servants. Of course, while we're doing this, our pastor's wives will be showcasing this year's Mad Hats for BGMC. The kids' crazy creations brought in $187.28 for missions! Thanks to all of you who voted for favorites with cash!

NOTE: Next week, the pastors will be attending a 3 day prayer conference, so there will be no Blog updates for next week. Enjoy your family week and get together with another family or spend some extra time with your own. This is the perfect week to spend a bit of extra time working with your kids on their Awana achievements and practicing the Awana at Home ideas.

Handling Disrespect


Discipline boils down to respect

by Alice Crider

Two of your kids are fighting, another one won't pick up his toys, and your teenager just revealed the tattoo she got without your permission. You're exhausted, and all you want is peace.

You're not alone.

For many, disciplining children is a daily challenge. When it comes to discipline in my home, I only have one rule: respect.

Disrespect is the primary root of disobedience. Looking through Scripture, Adam and Eve sinned because they did not respect God's command. Cain killed Abel because he did not respect his brother's life. Lying, stealing, vandalism, strife and disobedience stem from an attitude of disrespect toward someone or something.

When your toddler pulls the dog's tail or your teenager rolls her eyes, it's — you guessed it — disrespect.

When correcting your child, point out how actions or words were disrespectful, and then ask him to think about something he could have done or said that would have been more polite. In this way, you're not only correcting inappropriate behavior, you're also providing opportunities for your child to learn and practice valuable life skills.

In it together
Whatever form of discipline you choose, administer it with respect. Your child will learn nothing if you lose your cool. If you want him to be respectful, then you'll have to model respect. Take note of your tone of voice at all times, especially when your child is acting up. Talk to him as a valued individual, not as a hardened criminal.

When my kids were younger, they often heard me say, "You don't have to agree with me or like me right now, but you will be respectful." They know I'll accept nothing less from them, and they know that I will show them respect. When a situation is about others, my response is, "Our family treats people (or animals or possessions) with respect."

By using "we" language, you let your child know your correction isn't just about him and one infraction. Living respectfully is about holding to a standard that is good for everyone. You don't have to memorize a long list of rules. You don't have to sort through every incident to figure out which rule was broken so that you can decide what to do about it. By making respect your one non-negotiable standard, you lighten the load.

The reward
Emphasizing respect and honoring people are biblical concepts. Believers are told to respect the law (Proverbs 13:13), honor parents (Deuteronomy 5:16) and live lives worthy of respect (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12). With respect woven throughout Scripture, it's no wonder that it makes for a strong foundation for family and offers meaningful reward.

When I set a standard of respect in my home, the reward was relationship. My children became people I liked to have around. They trusted me as someone who respected and believed in them. Peace reigned and communication flowed between us.

But I didn't do this alone. God has been my guide and my support. His wisdom and strength carried me through the times when I felt too weary to press forward. His grace made up the difference when I fell short. And ultimately, He was my inspiration for my standard of respect.

This article first appeared in the August/September 2009 issue of Focus on the Family magazine. Copyright © 2009 Alice Crider. All rights reserved.