The Newsletter Blog for Parents at Prayer House Assembly of God. Keeping parents informed on current events and information concerning C.H.R.I.S.T WORKS Kids Ministries and providing parenting tips for all ages.
Don't forget that tomorrow night at Awana clubs, clubbers get extra points for wearing winter/snow patterned clothes and other cold looking stuff (not winter coats) as pictured above. And bring a friend! Remember that visitors are always worth BIG points and we can never get enough of them! See you tomorrow at 6:30pm!
This last Sunday, we showed the video of Buck Denver and co. asking "Why Do We Call It Christmas? The kids seemed to get a lot out of this entertaining video which answered a lot of historical questions about the origins of Christmas and certain holiday traditions. So I thought it would be helpful to point parents in the direction of the website where your kids can find related activities and follow up materials. In fact we had a little review question contest for a set of "Chester Whigget's popsicle-stick puppets." If your child didn't win and were disappointed, you can surprise them by printing up a set for them at home by visiting the official website: http://whatsinthebible.com/christmas/activities-worksheets/
One of the great ways to help children think of giving instead of just getting at Christmas is to reach out to others you don't even know. This one activity can do a tremendous amount to help kids focus on others, not just themselves. Here are some ideas:
Pray for missionaries in other parts of the world. Create a care package for a family and mail it off in time to arrive by Christmas Day.
Get involved in your church's gift-giving program. Most churches provide ways to give tangible gifts to those in need. Ask around your community for organizations that are providing gifts for others.
Take some homemade food and crafts to a local rest home or senior citizen center. Sing songs and greet people. Tell them Merry Christmas. Before you go and when you're finished, talk to your kids about the people you are visiting. Sometimes caring for people can be a challenge and a blessing. Discussions help children understand it all in practical terms.
Make sure that children understand that Christmas is a time when we can share the love of Jesus with others. After all, that's what God did for us.
from biblicalparenting.org
With so much advertising and emphasis on presents, programs, and parties, take some time to teach your children about the real meaning of Christmas. It's so easy to get distracted by the celebration that one discussion or Christmas program isn't enough to help your children catch the meaning and significance of what Christmas is really all about. Here are some suggestions.
Have a daily or weekly reminder of the Christmas story. Use an advent calendar or read through the Christmas story in the next few weeks.
Tell children what the first Christmas was really like. Did you know that a manger is a cow's eating dish? How far is it from Nazareth to Bethlehem anyway? That would be like walking all the way from our home to _____. What was an Inn like? What were the shepherds doing out with the sheep at night? Did you know that the Bible doesn't say that there were three wise men? Maybe there were ten. Help children think about the story differently than they have before.
Write to a missionary family and find out how they are celebrating Christmas. Talk to your children about how cultures have different traditions but the real meaning of Christmas is the same.
And talk about God's gift of salvation. Why did God start Christmas in the first place? How does his gift change who we are? Keep in mind that this may be time that your child dedicates himself or herself to the Lord in a new and special way.
Christmas is a special time where memories are created that last a lifetime. Take some time to plan your Christmas season carefully to make sure the things you do and say have lasting value.
from: biblicalparenting.org
It's Family Week in December and to give us all some encouragement to use our Family Week the way it was intended, here is an article from Group Publishing on ways to share the holidays with other families (and your own too.) Read it through and have a family discussion about some ways you could put a couple into practice this year... THIS WEEK!! - PK
'Tis the season to be jolly-and busy! Families have to cook a turkey for the Thanksgiving potluck, shop, cook, clean for company, get their kids to choir rehearsal, attend the Advent program, wrap gifts, go caroling with their Bible study group, and drop the kids off for their Christmas party...
Wouldn't it be nice this holiday season to clear the church calendar and help families focus on what's really important about this season of the year? (Okay, I agree, one or two things are important to keep!)
Encourage families to set aside a Family Night each week. Perhaps they'll stay in for the evening, join with another family for fun activities, or serve another family. Share these ideas with families to help them plan for more than pizza and a movie.
JUST OUR FAMILY
FAMILY FRIENDS
FAMILY TO FAMILY
Bobbie Bower is a children's ministry consultant in Kansas.
Awana clubs are in full swing! Don't miss the fun tomorrow night at 6:30pm!
At the National Center for Biblical Parenting we talk a lot about helping children change their hearts. You may be thinking, "My children don't know how to change their hearts." What does that mean anyway, and what can we expect in any given discipline situation?
When a child has done the wrong thing, it's often helpful to require some alone time with instructions like, "You need to take a break. Come back and we'll talk about this after you change your heart." Children may not understand how it happens but with practice they can learn to change their hearts. A change of heart in children involves four steps:
These are all steps that a child can do. Ideally we would also like to see two other steps take place:
Now, that may sound like a lot, but children grow into this process slowly and we can help them through the steps. If your son has been disrespectful in the way he spoke to you, first he needs to stop and settle down and be willing to work on the problem. Then secondly, he needs to acknowledge that he was wrong. Thirdly, he needs to be willing to respond differently next time. And lastly, he needs to commit to trying to do better.
Sometimes children may only settle down (Step #1) in the "break." Then they are ready to process the other steps with the parent. Other times, children may be able to work through all four steps and then just report back to the parent. The only prerequisite for coming back from a break is that a child be willing to work on changing the heart.
Your child may be ready to change without knowing what the right thing is to do next time. Remember, we're looking for heart level changes. Once your child has had a change of heart, then you can help your child learn what was wrong and what he or she can do differently next time.
Remember, "Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7) Teaching children to change their hearts is a valuable lesson that they will benefit from for the rest of their lives.
This tip comes from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
All children have good character qualities that, when taken to the extreme, have a negative side. One child may be quite organized, but if not careful, may become inflexible in a less structured situation. It's like the saying, "your strength can be your greatest weakness."
One mom told about her son who had a genuine sensitivity to others' needs. He was compassionate and cared for others and often felt things deeply. "I remember one time when he was younger, he began to cry when he saw an ambulance speeding down the road because he knew that someone was hurt inside. He's very caring. Unfortunately, sometimes this sensitivity can cause him to become moody or overly emotional, pouting or crying over the least little problem." So the positive quality is sensitivity but it can have a negative side of being moody or being prone to emotional outbursts.
Another mom saw that her son had the ability to work hard at a task without being distracted. "He focuses intensely, with real determination to succeed." This quality of being persistent can be a real asset, but sometimes it would show itself as stubbornness.
As you look at your children's weaknesses, look for a positive character quality they may be misusing. Look for ways to balance it with other character qualities. Give praise for the positive quality and encourage practical ways to bring balance. Envision a positive future for your child based on those qualities. Encourage small steps of adjustment to bring them in line.
Focusing on character is one of the ways to touch a child's heart and bring about lasting change.
This tip comes from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
The key to helping your child feel understood is to acknowledge his feelings. Follow these steps to get more in tune with your child:
Do's:
Don'ts:
Validating our children is so important. A wonderful way to do this is giving them a blessing ceremony. It’s almost like a coming of age or a right of passage celebration. Recently, a friend of mine held a blessing ceremony for his son…
Here’s some more helpful information:
For tens of thousands of years, in many countries and cultures throughout the world, rites of passage have been an important part of human culture. A rite of passage is a ritual or ceremony that marks a change in a person’s social status. There are ceremonies in many cultures that memorialize the birth of a child, puberty, graduation, engagement, marriage, death, and other stages of life. In our western culture, while we still celebrate marriage through a wedding ceremony and observe death through a funeral, we lack a generally accepted rite of passage from childhood into adulthood. This rite of passage that occurs around the time of puberty is sometimes called a “blessing.”
The Hebrew word for “to bless” is baruch. Baruch means “a good word.” When we bless our child, we are placing our “seal of approval” upon them and giving them power to prosper in many areas of life, including in marriage, with children, in finances, health and career.
A ceremonial blessing is an act of the parents recognizing the passage of a son or daughter emotionally and spiritually into manhood or womanhood. It helps to establish their identity and purpose as an adult.
Establishing purpose answers the question, “What am I here for?” Additionally, when we release our children into this new season in life, we are also releasing them to take on more responsibility and decision-making. There is something inside every child that makes him crave for a blessing from his parents. And without that blessing, many people spend a lifetime searching for identity and purpose in life. They are always trying to prove themselves worthy to their mom or dad. They are constantly seeking attention, affirmation, and acceptance–in all of the wrong places. They are often striving to prove their manhood or womanhood to themselves and to others through their sexual encounters, the way they dress, their work, the money they make, or by attempting daring feats.
Yes. We need to separate identity and behavior. Remember, when we bless a child, we are giving them power to prosper in life, not condoning rebellion and disobedience. We are blessing them for who they are–a child of God created with infinite value, dignity and worth–not for what they do.
When does the parental blessing occur? It should probably occur sometime between the ages of 12 and 15, depending on the emotional maturity of the child. One sign will be when the child starts to take an interest in the opposite sex and begins to lose an interest in childish things. Another clear sign is when a child reaches puberty.
Weddings. Graduations. Award banquets. We remember those occasions, in part, because they were sealed by a ceremony and a celebration. Ceremonies often drive a stake in the ground memorializing a season or time in one’s life. Memorable ceremonies do three things:
1. Ascribe Value. They say to the person being honored, “You are important.” “This occasion is important.”
2. Employ Symbols. A ring, a pen, a necklace, a plaque, a certificate all provide recognition of the significance of an event.
3. Launch a New Season in Life. They say, in essence, “from this day forward, things are going to be different.” And they do it with celebration.
The ceremony for the blessing can come in all shapes and sizes. It can be conducted in a home, church or even a private room in a restaurant. Invite family members, pastor, and friends you wish to come. Here is an example that you can use to create your own ceremony for your child.
The Blessing of [child's full name]
dffdfad
What should a blessing say? You can say anything you’d like that imparts a “good word” to your child. Here is just one sample. The Blessing of [child's full name] [Child's name], you are my [daughter, son], whom I love; with you I am well pleased. You are no longer a little [girl, boy] You are now a [woman, man]. You are well equipped with everything you need to fulfill your destiny as a [woman, man] of God. Before the foundation of the earth, God Almighty planned for your life and planned for you to be a [woman, man]. Psalm 139 says that He created your inmost being. He knit you together in your mother’s womb. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. All the days ordained for you were written by God even before you were born. There is nothing that you will ever need to do to become a [woman, man] because God has made you one. Tonight, we are simply recognizing publicly what God has done in you. [Child's name], [Here, name all of the wonderful attributes and character traits of your child. For example, for your daughter you might say something like, "God has made you intelligent--you have a strong mind. God has made you beautiful. I've also noticed since the time you were a little girl that our Lord has given you a great ability to understand right and wrong, good and evil. You are able to quickly read and understand people. You get along with everyone and are well-respected and well thought of by others, young and old alike. You are a leader and have used your leadership skills to make wise decisions concerning your friends and in many other areas of your life." I am beyond joyful that God has given you to our family as a gift. You are a wonderful [daughter, son]. I love you and bless you with the promises of God. You are His and have been set apart from the world for his Holy purposes. I bless you with God’s everlasting love, wisdom, peace, and joy. I bless you with sexual purity, marital fidelity, and many children of your own. May God continue to keep His hand of favor and prosper you in all that you do, and may you serve our Lord Jesus Christ all the days of your life. Amen. [Present ring, necklace or other symbol of the blessing.] [Start celebration and feast!]
A very important skill that children will need as adults is the ability to listen. Listening isn't easy. Most people would rather talk. Children interrupt, yell, and talk over each other, often resulting in misunderstanding. Teaching children how to listen can be a way to help them become less selfish.
One mom told how she taught her children to listen. "I use this technique whenever my boys are in conflict over a toy. I sit them down with the toy on the table and say, 'You can play with the toy as soon as you both agree on a plan.' I encourage them each to share an idea and listen to the other's idea.
I teach them about compromise, working together, and sharing, but I let them work it out. Sometimes they'll both be stubborn and I'll have them stay there until they can agree on a plan. I coach them along when they need it. They must always report back to me before continuing to play, providing an opportunity for me to affirm unselfishness and cooperation."
It can be fun to teach a five-year-old how to persuade a two-year-old, or help two eight-year-olds negotiate a solution. Conflict is turned into cooperation through listening.
I (Scott) like to joke with children, "Do you know why God made lips for your mouth but not for your ears?" or, "Why do you think God gave you one mouth and two ears? It's because God wants you to quiet your mouth sometimes, so you can listen."
James 1:19 gives children very practical advice. "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." As a parent, you have many opportunities to teach this valuable skill.
This tip comes from the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes In You and Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
One great way to challenge the sibling conflict problems in a household is to play games with your children. Games are miniature scenarios about real life. Whether you're playing a board game, a card game, or some kind of communication or role playing game, children have to use relational skills.
Playing games can teach children how to win, how to lose, how to show mercy, and how to talk humbly. As you play games with your children, model honor. Have fun and enjoy the game but avoid put downs, bragging, boasting, hurtful revenge, and meanness. That seems to be hard even for some parents these days.
Teach children how to win without being hurtful, how to lose without complaining, how to make a good move with humility, and show honor whether you're winning or losing. Kids need to see these things modeled in games so they can learn how to handle similar situations in life.
Choose your comments wisely as you correct or confront others who may not handle themselves well. You may let some things go, but your comments are important and children learn from the things you say.
You may see selfishness and bad attitudes demonstrate themselves. Look for loving ways to correct while still enjoying the game. Play games regularly and continue to look for ways to communicate honor and challenge dishonoring behavior and words. You'll be surprised at how much you can teach without your children even realizing they're in a classroom.
This tip comes from the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes In You and Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
An old Irish saying defines charm as the ability to get someone to say “Yes” before you even ask the question. Your presence invokes such a warm feeling from someone else that they’ll gladly do what they can to please you. So how is your fatherhood C.H.A.R.M.? Here’s how to exponentially increase your charm with your children:
C — Converse. Talk regularly with your kids on topics they’re interested in.
H — Have fun. Do activities with your children that evoke a lot of laughter.
A — Ask. Ask open-ended questions not just about their day, but what they think about culture, politics, education etc. Don’t judge. Just listen.
R — Read. Read books/magazines/websites together with them and talk about the contents.
M — Make memories. Keep that digital camera and video recorder handy to capture those golden moments in years to come.
- All Pro Dads
My son had an ambitious plan. He would drop out of college and focus on his music. All his life, I had urged him to discover what he was created to do and pursue what God had laid on his heart. I just didn't think it would be this — at least not if it meant skipping college. But music was his passion. College wasn't. He had made up his mind.
At first, I didn't know how to respond. I believe kids should be allowed to experience the consequences of their decisions, but the stakes get higher as they get older. The school of hard knocks has an increasingly difficult curriculum. But since its lessons are thorough, I told my son that if he wanted this bad enough to try to make it on his own — without expecting our financial support — he had my blessing.
After about six months, he realized how hard it is to earn a living with a band, and he came to another decision. He would still continue to pursue his dream, but he would also develop a backup plan — which included re-enrolling in college. He held on to his vision but balanced it with realism.
I probably could have forced that decision on my son, but that wouldn't have changed his heart. He would have continued to restlessly look forward to the day he could get out from under his dad's plan for his life. Instead, he got a life-altering perspective on the realities of working for a goal.
The decision to finish school was his. And this time, he was motivated to do well at college.
Letting children face the consequences of their choices shouldn't begin with something as significant as a career decision. It needs to start much earlier. When our four children were young, my wife and I often had to remind ourselves not to obey our natural impulse to fix their problems.
Learning cause and effect through success and failure is part of a necessary maturing process. Intervening can interrupt that process. Kids can't become responsible adults without failing sometimes.
One way we used failure to teach our kids responsibility was by requiring them to set their own alarm clock and get up when it rang. We were tired of prying them out of bed each morning and making sure they ate breakfast, got dressed and caught the bus. And we were tired of driving them to school when they missed the bus. At a certain age (about 11 or 12 in our house) kids should be able to handle those responsibilities. So we implemented a rule: Whoever overslept and missed breakfast or the bus would suffer the consequences — hunger until lunchtime, detention after school, makeup assignments.
Yet we had a strong urge to intervene — no parent enjoys seeing his children get into messes — but we resisted. It didn't take long for our kids to learn to discipline themselves each morning. The short-term pain of their bad decisions was much easier on them than the long-term power struggle many families go through. We had no more nagging or heated arguments. Just consequences.
We do our children a disservice when we cover for them or alleviate the consequences of their choices. Parents who write a note to the teacher explaining why their child once again failed to finish his homework set up the child for a lifetime of seeking special treatment — and frustration when it isn't given. Parents who push for their child to get the lead role in a play — even when he doesn't deserve it — deny the child the opportunities for growth that come with failure and disappointment.
Kids never learn how to cope with life when parents do all the coping for them. They enter adulthood without the confidence that they'll be able to handle whatever comes their way.
To make it in this world, kids need to know how to struggle. They need to learn how to persevere for a hard-fought victory and how to handle disappointment when victory doesn't come. They need to understand that they reap what they sow and that life isn't always fair.
In order to learn these things, they'll have to experience a lot of bumps and bruises. Some will be self-inflicted, and others will be imposed on them by a sinful world. But all of their wounds can become a lifelong lesson in how to stand strong.
Your kids will have to learn these hard lessons sooner or later, and sooner is better. Once they become adults, the world won't clean up after their mistakes, and it won't nurse their wounds when they are treated unfairly. If they've learned wisdom and responsibility early, they'll reap the benefits for a lifetime.
A parent's job is not to make sure a child has a smooth or comfortable life. Our role is to put safeguards around them when they're young to keep them from ultimate harm; to gradually widen those safeguards as they mature; and to help them to grow into the person God wants them to be.
The son who once dropped out of college eventually earned his degree. Later, as a newly married man, he told me he was moving to Nashville, Tenn., to pursue the dream God had put on his heart. I wasn't thrilled with his decision, but I gave him my blessing anyway.
Yes, he might fail again, but I knew it wouldn't happen because he was naive. From his earlier experience, he knew what it would take to succeed. And the second time he actually did. He's now a successful songwriter — and standing strong in the trials of life.
As children get older, parents gradually release control of decision-making and allow their kids greater freedom to make choices for themselves. Too much freedom too early can be disastrous but too much control and then instant freedom can be dangerous as well.
The key to making good decisions has a lot to do with values, but children don't get to hear about values as often. Children hear rules. If, when your kids are growing up, you talk about the values behind the rules then when they have the freedom to make their own decisions, they'll be able to do so with wisdom.
Children outgrow rules, but they don't outgrow values. When kids are young you may not allow them to go down the street without an adult. When they get a little older they'll have to check in and be home at a certain time. Those are rules but they come out of very important values of safety and accountability. When a college student is invited to stay out late with her friends, those values from childhood will still ring true, and will help guide her to wise decisions.
Prepare now for your child's future decision-making. What are the values behind the rules you've created? Share those values regularly as opportunities to teach your kids. Your children will carry the values on for the rest of their lives.
This parenting tip comes from the book Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
