The Newsletter Blog for Parents at Prayer House Assembly of God. Keeping parents informed on current events and information concerning C.H.R.I.S.T WORKS Kids Ministries and providing parenting tips for all ages.
Chuck Foo learns a thing or two about resisting sin when his "Kung-Fu Breaking Apparatus" (a simple piece of paper) fails to break (rip) for him and he gets angry at his assistant, Jen Soo (who easily rips it and makes him look bad). The Kung-Fu master had to learn right along with the kids how Joseph avoided sin as a servant to Potiphar. Ask your kids what steps they learned to avoid sinning in their lives.
Validating our children is so important. A wonderful way to do this is giving them a blessing ceremony. It’s almost like a coming of age or a right of passage celebration.
For tens of thousands of years, in many countries and cultures throughout the world, rites of passage have been an important part of human culture. A rite of passage is a ritual or ceremony that marks a change in a person’s social status. There are ceremonies in many cultures that memorialize the birth of a child, puberty, graduation, engagement, marriage, death, and other stages of life. In our western culture, while we still celebrate marriage through a wedding ceremony and observe death through a funeral, we lack a generally accepted rite of passage from childhood into adulthood. This rite of passage that occurs around the time of puberty is sometimes called a “blessing.”
The Hebrew word for “to bless” is baruch. Baruch means “a good word.” When we bless our child, we are placing our “seal of approval” upon them and giving them power to prosper in many areas of life, including in marriage, with children, in finances, health and career.
A ceremonial blessing is an act of the parents recognizing the passage of a son or daughter emotionally and spiritually into manhood or womanhood. It helps to establish their identity and purpose as an adult.
Establishing purpose answers the question, “What am I here for?” Additionally, when we release our children into this new season in life, we are also releasing them to take on more responsibility and decision-making. There is something inside every child that makes him crave for a blessing from his parents. And without that blessing, many people spend a lifetime searching for identity and purpose in life. They are always trying to prove themselves worthy to their mom or dad. They are constantly seeking attention, affirmation, and acceptance–in all of the wrong places. They are often striving to prove their manhood or womanhood to themselves and to others through their sexual encounters, the way they dress, their work, the money they make, or by attempting daring feats.
Yes. We need to separate identity and behavior. Remember, when we bless a child, we are giving them power to prosper in life, not condoning rebellion and disobedience. We are blessing them for who they are–a child of God created with infinite value, dignity and worth–not for what they do.
When does the parental blessing occur? It should probably occur sometime between the ages of 12 and 15, depending on the emotional maturity of the child. One sign will be when the child starts to take an interest in the opposite sex and begins to lose an interest in childish things. Another clear sign is when a child reaches puberty.
Weddings. Graduations. Award banquets. We remember those occasions, in part, because they were sealed by a ceremony and a celebration. Ceremonies often drive a stake in the ground memorializing a season or time in one’s life. Memorable ceremonies do three things:
1. Ascribe Value. They say to the person being honored, “You are important.” “This occasion is important.”
2. Employ Symbols. A ring, a pen, a necklace, a plaque, a certificate all provide recognition of the significance of an event.
3. Launch a New Season in Life. They say, in essence, “from this day forward, things are going to be different.” And they do it with celebration.
The ceremony for the blessing can come in all shapes and sizes. It can be conducted in a home, church or even a private room in a restaurant. Invite family members, pastor, and friends you wish to come. Here is an example that you can use to create your own ceremony for your child.
The Blessing of [child's full name]
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What should a blessing say? You can say anything you’d like that imparts a “good word” to your child. Here is just one sample. The Blessing of [child's full name] [Child's name], you are my [daughter, son], whom I love; with you I am well pleased. You are no longer a little [girl, boy] You are now a [woman, man]. You are well equipped with everything you need to fulfill your destiny as a [woman, man] of God. Before the foundation of the earth, God Almighty planned for your life and planned for you to be a [woman, man]. Psalm 139 says that He created your inmost being. He knit you together in your mother’s womb. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. All the days ordained for you were written by God even before you were born. There is nothing that you will ever need to do to become a [woman, man] because God has made you one. Tonight, we are simply recognizing publicly what God has done in you. [Child's name], [Here, name all of the wonderful attributes and character traits of your child. For example, for your daughter you might say something like, "God has made you intelligent--you have a strong mind. God has made you beautiful. I've also noticed since the time you were a little girl that our Lord has given you a great ability to understand right and wrong, good and evil. You are able to quickly read and understand people. You get along with everyone and are well-respected and well thought of by others, young and old alike. You are a leader and have used your leadership skills to make wise decisions concerning your friends and in many other areas of your life." I am beyond joyful that God has given you to our family as a gift. You are a wonderful [daughter, son]. I love you and bless you with the promises of God. You are His and have been set apart from the world for his Holy purposes. I bless you with God’s everlasting love, wisdom, peace, and joy. I bless you with sexual purity, marital fidelity, and many children of your own. May God continue to keep His hand of favor and prosper you in all that you do, and may you serve our Lord Jesus Christ all the days of your life. Amen. [Present ring, necklace or other symbol of the blessing.] [Start celebration and feast!]
Mark Merrill, President of Family First
Remember the “golden days”? You were a man with youth on your side and full of idealistic dreams. You were a sight to behold. Golf multiple times a week and a roaring social life. You had it pretty good, didn’t you? As Bob Seger once sang, “you were like a rock.” Then like a powerful late summer hurricane, your life was transformed. You had not an ounce of resistance towards her. She made you want to be a better man. A different man. Now, you sometimes sit in your “man-cave” and reflect on how life has changed. Chucky Cheese is your nightclub. Changing diapers is your extreme sport. A soccer game where nobody is even keeping score is something you are psyched about all week. Isn’t it beautiful? As good fathers, we sacrifice so that our family may thrive. The following list accounts for a few of the things we have put aside:
The Lifestyle
Jimmy Buffett would have been proud to know you. No responsibility was felt towards anything and your life revolved around the next bit of fun. It was a shallow existence, but you were just the man to make it rock. Eventually, last call always occur. The lights come on and the party is over. You still slip out on occasion to catch Monday Night Football and see how many .50 cent wings you can down. But Margaritaville has long since closed. Nowadays you sip ice tea and your wing man uses a sippy cup.
Stepping Up To The Plate
Sometimes you can’t believe the words are coming from your mouth. “I sound just like my Dad” you think to yourself with a slight bit of fear. Then, you remember you are the Dad now. A different set of priorities now rest at your feet. You are the responsible one now. Discipline and guidance have now been reassigned to your department. You step up to the plate and you deliver, because that is what a good man does.
Tick Tock
Time moves like a bullet train. Even Christmas sneaks up on you like a fleet-footed time bandit. There is always something else that needs done and somewhere else you need to be. Then, you see those big brown eyes staring up at you. The only place you know you will be is right where they want you to be. You slap the time bandit upside his head and you sit down and play Candyland. A good Dad knows the meaning of the phrase “time well wasted.”
Mean Green
Sure with your money you would love to upgrade the golf clubs. That 80 inch hi-def at Best Buy taunts you every time you walk by it. But you leave those items in your dreams. Or on a “wish list” that gets larger every month. You work hard so your family has the things they need. Luxuries are for them when possible. College funds, insurance and retirement plans are where you have your spending sprees now.
The Sandman
No, not the future Hall of Fame closer of the New York Yankees. The Sandman who used to allow for a great night of sleep. He seems to be tardy in your life a great deal now. Remember sleeping past 10:00 am once upon a time? You are lucky to make it past 8:00 am on the weekends and 6:30 am during the week. Work starts early and ends late. Saturday morning arrives and before the sun can fully rise a little face is staring in yours wanting your full attention. Your first instinct might be to gently take your forearm and shoo her back to SpongeBob. But you don’t. Thoughts of your Mom screaming “Are you going to sleep the whole day away young man?” race through your head. This while you eat your Frosted Mini-Wheat’s watching SpongeBob and your daughter explains who Mr. Krabs is. “No Mom, I’m apparently not going to sleep any whole day away ever again.”
The Dream Job
You work hard and you’re talented. Naturally, opportunities arise. There is always a kicker though. This one moves the family across the country. That one requires that you travel three weeks a month. The money is incredible, but how much of your soul is required to take it? You come home and your son plops in your lap and tells you all about his day. His best friend across the street helped him make a skateboard ramp. At that moment, you realize you are just fine where you are for now. The corporate ladder only needed to be climbed just so far. Your dream job has already been realized and business is booming.
The Cool Factor
Nobody likes to think of themselves as a nerd. You have friends and people like you. You’re cool right? No, sorry Dad, you aren’t. You look ridiculous when you wear those hideous jean shorts your wife bought at Target. Your belly is chubby and your haircut long since went out of style. You wear plaid shirts and khaki pants on a daily basis for goodness sake. All you need is the pocket protector and you just got cast for “Revenge of the Nerds Part 8.” No, you aren’t cool, but there is a very positive trade-off. You are Superman in the eyes of a special little child. Superman trumps cool…always.
The Rabid Fan
Back in the day you had season tickets and never missed a game. You found the fact that some fans came late and left early nauseating. Come rain, sleet, wind or snow, you were going to the game and staying until the clock hit zero. You were the most rabid of rabid fans. One beautiful wife, two adorable children and a mortgage payment later, those tickets are long gone. Occasionally, you spend what amounts to a full car payment to take the whole family with you for a game. You arrive late because your daughter puked on the way. You leave early because your son’s diaper is full and you forgot the diaper bag. You don’t know the final outcome and, at this point, you don’t really care. Then your mind drifts to this weekend’s big game and you get excited once again. The big game between the Westminster Dragons and the Shady Oaks Tigers. Dreams of “scholarship” dance through your head as your daughter scores her third goal. Rabid fan reborn.
Coup d’état
A man’s home is his castle right? Son, you’ve been overthrown by the Prince and the fair Princess. Tiger is finally playing like himself again and you would like to watch it on the big screen? Sorry Charlie. This is the final season of Veggie Tales on TV and every episode is “special.” Think you might surf the Net a little bit and see what’s going on in the world? Nope. The Princess is playing a game involving lots of furry animals, while talking to her friends on the phone who are doing the same. Do you know who the low man on the totem pole is, Chief? In almost every instance, it’s Dad. You just shake your head with a smile and go take a nap. That’s what was going to happen while watching golf anyway. Life is good.
Spreading Their Wings
She just learned how to ride a bike and now she’s backing your car down the driveway. A few days ago, she was playing with Barbies and now she has a date coming to pick her up. Yesterday, you were holding her hand walking into Kindergarten and now the trunk is packed for college. The most difficult sacrifice for any great father is letting go. But we do. They spread their wings and off they soar. We taught them well and they are majestic as they fly towards the horizon with the sun at their back. Job well done Dad. Job extremely well done.
Posted: 17 Apr 2011 08:27 AM PDT In 2009, the book (which Britt Beemer from America’s Research Group and I co-authored) Already Gone, was published. This book detailed results of nationwide research into why two thirds of young people will leave the church by the time they reach college age. It was found that the teaching of evolution and millions of years had a lot to do with creating doubt in their trust in Scripture. Such doubt (as Paul warns us in 2 Corinthians 11:3) can lead to unbelief. The research also showed that those young people (the two thirds group) who went to Sunday school were—surprisingly—more likely to have heard a Christian leader (pastor, Sunday school teacher, and so on) tell them they could believe in evolution and millions of years. We also found those in this group that they were more spiritually worse off than those who didn’t go to Sunday school and were more inclined to accept abortion and “gay” marriage. The research also showed that churches and Christian homes were by and large not teaching children and young people how to defend the Christian faith. They were not being taught apologetics, yet most of these same young people were being taught the wrong sort of apologetics—“secular apologetics”—at public school and on TV. Most were being given the supposed evidence and reasons that evolution and millions of years are true (evidence there supposedly never was a global Noah’s Flood and evidence against the Bible being true). Sadly, such compromised teaching of evolution and millions of years—accepting the secular religion of the day—is rife in churches across America. Here is an example (sadly, it is not the exception) I came across this past week. Dr. Michael Helms, Senior Pastor of First Baptist Church of Jefferson (Georgia) wrote an article for the column “Pastor’s Pen” for the newspaper called The Paper of Braselton, Chateau Elan, Hoschton and Jefferson, Georgia. In this commentary, he is giving an answer to a question a 10-year-old daughter asked her father: “Who came first: Adam and Eve or the caveman?” I have reprinted the article for you, along with my comments. Also, I have included PDFs of the actual article.
Comment: Let’s examine the comment “conflicted with the science she’s studying.” As we see so often, people don’t understand there is a big difference between “historical science” (beliefs about the past) and “observational science” (which builds our technology and is based on the repeatable test). What he really means is what she is being taught about origins at schools conflicts with what the Bible clearly teaches about origins. And this is the issue. It is a conflict. If children in our church aren’t taught correctly, this is one of the very reasons such children begin to doubt the Bible and eventually leave the church.
Comment: It certainly is causing a destruction of “the trust and faith this child places in the Bible.” And by the way, a “caveman” is simply a man who lives in a cave! People living in caves are mentioned in the Scriptures (e.g., at the time of Job). There are people who live in caves today. Sadly, the secular world (and even some Christians) equates “cavemen’ with so-called primitive people, usually in some sort of evolutionary scenario.
Comment: This is a fallacy so often used to undermine Scriptural authority. One takes a passage out of context, and uses that to reject taking Genesis (which is written as historical narrative) literally. By the way, it would be better to have only one hand and one foot than to spend eternity in Hell. In other words, one’s eternity is so very important—it is priceless and worth much more than anything on this earth. Many times we have shown clearly that Jesus (Matthew 19) and Paul (Romans 5; 1 Corinthians 15) quoted Genesis as literal history. If there is no historical Adam and no historical Fall, what is the gospel all about? Why are we sinners? Are we sinners? Where did sin come from? In fact, the first time the gospel is preached is in Genesis 3:15. If that is not to be taken literally, then the gospel is not to be taken literally. Genesis chapters 1–11 is foundational to all doctrine. If Genesis is not literal history, then what is marriage? It could be anything people want to make it to be. Jesus in Matthew 19 makes it clear that the doctrine of marriage is based on a literal Adam and Eve.
Comment: If Genesis is not a “literal account of creation,” then how can this pastor even believe in a literal Adam and Eve? This is utter confusion—confusion because he is accepting the secular “historical science” and using that to reinterpret the infallible, inerrant God-breathed Word.
Comment: Actually, the years come to 6,000 not 5,000. So what is the reason he is not “ready to teach your children that dinosaurs were on the ark?” He doesn’t give an answer to the question, but in a way he answered it above: because he takes the word of fallible man, who has devised a religion to explain life without God, and adds that to God’s Word. In doing so, he, therefore, rejects God’s clear Word in Genesis; except, he wants a literal Adam and Eve, but doesn’t take the account of creation in Genesis as literal!
Comment: There is no mystery. It is only a mystery when one takes man’s fallible beliefs of origins as infallible, and takes God’s clear Word as fallible! That is what is happening here—so sad.
Comment: The child asking a question is a “trap?” No, it is a child seeking to understand God’s Word and wanting answers to the skeptical questions of this age. This dad needs to stand on God’s authoritative Word and teach his daughter that what she is being taught at school about origins is a belief—it is fiction. He needs to instill in his daughter that scientists, who don’t know everything, who weren’t there in the past, have constructed a story about how they believe life arose on earth. The dad needs to teach his daughter that only God knows everything, and only God has always been there—and His Word is true and infallible. And then he needs to give his daughters answers based on God’s Word, and show that observational science confirms God’s Word over and over again. My fear is that if this dad takes this pastor’s advice, his daughter could easily end up in that two thirds that are Already Gone.
Comment: When Jesus was tempted by the Devil, He said “It is written . . . .” When Jesus was asked about marriage in Matthew 19, he said, “have you not read?” I would say to this pastor, “Have you not read? “By one man sin entered the world and death by sin” (Romans 5). Have you not read, “The first man Adam” (1 Corinthians 15:45)? Have you not read, “By faith Noah, being divinely warned of things not yet seen, moved with godly fear, prepared an ark for the saving of his household, by which he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness which is according to faith” (Hebrews 11:7)? Actually, I could give many other references; in fact, Genesis is the most quoted from or referred to book in the Bible.
Comment: Genesis 5:4 tells us that Adam had other “sons and daughters.” The Bible does tell us where Cain’s wife came from. And it was “in the process of time” that lead to Cain killing Abel. By the time this happened, there would have been many people. Cain was obviously frightened of all his family members because he killed one of them. And by the way, the Author is God. The Author is Jesus—Jesus is the Word. So Jesus “doesn’t seem to care” about his Word? No wonder we have such problems in our churches with two thirds of young people leaving the church.
Comment: How does he even know this, as if Genesis is not to be taken literally? Then how can he take “In the beginning God” literally? Maybe that too is symbolic, so who knows what that means? This is all very inconsistent.
Comment: Actually, secular scientists will continue to grapple with how the universe and life came into being until they are prepared to accept the Word of the infallible God who gave us a written revelation to tell us all we need to know.
Comment: This 10 year old won’t be “comfortable”—research shows what is likely to happen to her, sadly.
Comment: How about taking the words of Paul in Corinthians and Romans where Genesis is quoted as literal history? What about the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 11 where he states that the woman is “of the man”—that woman came from man, just as Genesis describes (i.e., woman from man’s side). Sadly, this sort of compromise is rife in our church; it reflects the state of the church and the state of so many Christian colleges. Look for the sequel to Already Gone, called Already Compromised, to be released May 1. You can obtain the book Already Gone, and you can preorder Already Compromised. Thanks for stopping by and thanks for praying, Ken |
We want to be practical with children. That means that we give specific instructions about what we want them to do, not just what they shouldn't do. One way to be practical as we help children develop character is to use working definitions. We use these a lot in our counseling to help children understand life more. Here are some examples, but you can be creative and think of many more.
Obedience is doing what someone says, right away, without being reminded.
Honor is treating people as special, doing more than what's expected, and having a good attitude.
Perseverance is hanging in there even after you feel like quitting.
Attentiveness is showing people you love them by looking at them when they say their words.
Patience is waiting with a happy heart.
Self-discipline is putting off present rewards for future benefits.
Gratefulness is being thankful for the things I have instead of grumbling about the things I don't have.
You don't have to use them all. Just choose the one that your child needs right now and teach how to put that character quality into practice. Put them up around the house. This is a very positive way to give kids a vision for what you want.
This tip comes from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
Kung Fu Master, Chuck Foo and his assistant, Jen Soo joined us yesterday in the CW Playhouse as we launched into the 4th month of C.O.R.E. - Central Organization to Review Essentials and looked at the Glory of God. We also moved into the life of Joseph, the last of the biblical patriarchs. The kids were a bit surprised to realize how messed up Joseph was as a young person and especially how messed up his family was! Yet God used Joseph to do great things and that was the point of yesterday's lesson. Our past and our family does not disqualify us from service to God and bringing Glory to His Name. There was great altar time and great spirit in our service. Talk to your kids about what they learned. Don't forget to look over their take home pages with them.
Be careful when your children bait you and try to draw you into a fight. If you’re easily sucked into an argument with your child, it may be an indication that you need to do some work on your own anger.
It's amazing that children are smart enough to find those buttons that will set us off, but what's more amazing is that parents take the bait. A child may say, "You never let me have a snack," and the parent all of a sudden is ready to fight. Or the child says, "Dad wouldn't do it this way," or "I don't want to go to school," and Mom goes into a tirade. Children know what it is that gets us. If you find those opportunities irresistible then you need to step back and deal with your own anger.
Now, don't get us wrong. Children who engage in manipulations like that need to be disciplined, but they don't need anger. There's a difference. Your anger points out a problem. That's what anger is good for. It tells you something is wrong. But anger isn't good for solving problems.
When you're tempted to get drawn into an argument, step back and evaluate the situation. Maybe it's time to change the buttons. Often, your children need limits placed on the way they're relating. Be careful to respond to your kids with appropriate discipline instead of reacting in a way that joins into their foolish arguments.
This tip comes from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
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