The Newsletter Blog for Parents at Prayer House Assembly of God. Keeping parents informed on current events and information concerning C.H.R.I.S.T WORKS Kids Ministries and providing parenting tips for all ages.
The people of ancient
As fathers, we are still at war for our family 2,500 years later. Although we may not have a shield and spear, we do have other, better weapons at our disposal.
Here are 10 battles for your family—the modern family—that you must fight and win.
1. Security
Safety is more than a dead bolt on the door. The best security an All Pro Dad can give is the knowledge that he is there, that he is dependable, and that his love is stronger than a rock. Self-discipline for dad = security for the family.
2. Fidelity
Is your family #1 in your earthly affections? Your plans for the future? The investment of your time and treasures? Your passion? If your family is not your priority, then you have a battle for fidelity and you’re going to have to win this one for sure. This is a battle about leadership.
3. Decency
Dads, we’re on the front lines with this one. We’re not talking prudishness here so much as respect and the fight against objectification. This battle begins with nurturing a positive self-concept and a firm grasp of the value and dignity of all God’s children. More leadership for dad.
4. Safety
The battle for a safe society begins with secure families, a confidence in what’s right and wrong, and a willingness to build community in the neighborhood. Isolationism declares defeat. Building community is a move toward victory.
5. Solvency
Winning this fight is key to your family’s future. First, pledge to never spend more than you earn. Then, work hard to retire your debt. If we lose this one we’re selling our kids down the river.
6. Peace
This battle runs a lot deeper than the
7. Health
This could be its own 10-Ways list. Obesity and Type-2 Diabetes used to be reserved for older adults. In the past decade the diseases have become prevalent in children. The Centers for Disease Control are now involved. Eliminating obesity alone would free up the medical resources necessary to provide universal health coverage at no additional cost. Your family can fight this battle and win.
8. Education
The nation’s top educators agree that the team leader in any conversation about schooling must be the parent(s). Any number of factors account for the challenge it has become for kids to receive a solid education. Adequate sleep, home support, a balanced diet, a stable environment and educational enrichment are within the grasp of your family. Teaching children? Training children? Dads, Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Star Ship Enterprise said it best: “Make it so.”
9. Balance
We know the way things look around us. No family communication. Ten-plus hours of media saturation daily. Close to zero incidence of family mealtime in the average week. The disappearing act that used to be family vacation. Televisions in the kids’ bedrooms. But that doesn’t mean we throw our hands in the air and fold. Fight the battle for a family ethos defined by balance. Be deliberate and your kids will thank you.
10. Future
The future may be full with uncertainty, but we can win the battle for the future of the family if we take on these other battles now. The future is ours to take, but if we want to win the future, then the battle is now.
Here's a practical and effective way to teach values in your family: explain the reasons behind your rules.
When you think of rules, you may just think of a list of do's and don'ts that you are trying to impress upon your children. Rules can be much more than that though. They can be used as the vehicle to communicate values to your children. When rules are implemented and used correctly, children will learn not only to say "Excuse me" before interrupting a conversation, but more importantly, they will learn to respect others and see the value of listening to others first before speaking.
Ask yourself why you require your five-year-old to stay in the yard or your teenager to check in regularly. These are safety issues and develop a sense of accountability to others.
Why do you ask your son to make his bed every day or your daughter to clean and vacuum her room on Saturday? It has to do with the value of neatness and self discipline. Take time to talk about the values, not just the rules.
We all have values that we somehow wish our children would develop and take on as their own. As they grow, our children will evaluate our values and choose the ones they understand and can relate to. You have a window of opportunity with your children in which you can teach them the values that you embrace.
Rules are values put into action. They show children what values look like, how to put them into practice, and why they are important. If we want our children to embrace our values, we need to teach them what these values are and how to implement them in their lives. Rules become a good vehicle to teach children the things that are most important to us.
While you're pondering this idea, consider some of the reasons for the rules God has for his children. It's a good way to connect with the things that are most valuable to God and his family.
This tip comes from the CD Series, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
Parents sometimes feel that because their child is a challenge that they, as parents, are the problem. "If I would just do the right things then I wouldn't have this problem with my child," they say. Of course, we, as parents do have a lot of influence on our children, but it's certainly not the whole story.
Children aren't robots; they're people who have wills of their own. You can influence but not control them. That's why parents must be praying for their kids often. God uses you, as a parent, to mold your child. As you work on the heart you will benefit from developing a character development plan uniquely tailored for each child.
Here’s an idea: Fold a piece of paper to make three columns. In column one, list unwanted behaviors you see in your child. In many cases this is a long list but that's okay. Putting the problem on paper often helps sort it out. In the second column try to group the behaviors into character issues. We find that challenging children often lack qualities like self control, sensitivity, perseverance, and gentleness, just to name a few.
In the third column identify positive character qualities as headings and then specific behaviors you'd like to see to replace those unwanted behaviors. Taking this information, develop a strategy to motivate your child to make small changes.
Whatever you do, don't show the paper to your child. That's too much for any one person to see. Choose one character quality to work on and look for positive ways to correct as well as proactive ways to teach the new character quality.
You'll be surprised at the small steps of progress you'll see. But it's those steps of progress that will encourage you and your child. After all, in many homes children are making small steps of progress in the wrong direction so turning things around is a tremendous blessing.
If you'd like help developing an Action Plan for your child, consider being a featured parent in a webinar with Dr. Scott Turansky. Or, learn more about this six-step character development plan in our book, Home Improvement, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
At least part of the solution for a child's selfishness is to learn how to be a servant. Our culture tends to not like that term, but any good employer, spouse, or team player knows how to give up his or her agenda for others at times. That's servanthood.
Children need to learn how to be servants. It's not an elective; it's a required course. Learning to be a servant will help children be better employees, better husbands or wives, and even better parents. It may be helpful to make servanthood a focus for a week or a month in your home. You might create a poster giving a working definition of servanthood that goes something like this:
--Seeking to overcome self-centeredness by looking for ways to help and care for others.
Or for younger children:
--Looking for ways to make other people happy before me.
You might have everyone in the family memorize a verse from the Bible like Philippians 2:4, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."
Plan ways that each person can practice being a servant. As a parent, you are already serving your children in more ways that they probably appreciate. In fact, you might ask your child to serve by taking on one of the tasks you usually do in family life. This gives opportunity for you to model appreciation for service.
A child might plan and prepare a meal for the family for example. That's more complicated than many children realize. The work required to think of others may be just what some children need to get out of their own selfish patterns. Of course, those being served often respond with delight and appreciation, the built in reward for servanthood. This kind of role reversal can go a long way to teach children to value others and appreciate the things people do for them.
This tip comes from the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
A heart moment is a special connection that takes place inside of your child's heart, or in your own heart, or both, that confirms a step of progress. Sometimes the heart moment just reminds you of the significance of your parenting role. Other times the heart moment helps you feel close to your child in a unique and powerful way. For some, a heart moment is when the light bulb comes on in your child that says, "I finally get it, Dad."
Sometimes heart moments just happen, but many times they are the result of intentional effort on the part of hard-working parents. You do the daily work of parenting because you know it's the right thing to do. Along the way you're trying to teach values and life lessons, but most of the time you're just trying to get the things done that have to be done today.
Some parents have longed for heart change for months or years and seem to have given up on any significant developments. Then a heart moment comes along to provide encouragement that yes, there is hope that this child may actually grow to maturity someday.
Tears are often associated with heart moments, further revealing the extent of their importance to parents. Usually they bring tears of deep joy, but sometimes it’s amazement, admiration, gratefulness, pride, or just the intense satisfaction of feeling close. When a heart moment overwhelms you with emotion, it’s important to express what you're feeling to your child. It's in those times when children can often catch the significance of their choices, that they've made an important decision or action that has deeply touched Mom or Dad.
Be on the lookout for heart moments. They are the reward of parenting and often result in teachable opportunities with your child.
This parenting tip comes from the book Family Heart Moments, True and Inspiring Stories by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
