A Three-Column Plan

Parents sometimes feel that because their child is a challenge that they, as parents, are the problem. "If I would just do the right things then I wouldn't have this problem with my child," they say. Of course, we, as parents do have a lot of influence on our children, but it's certainly not the whole story.

Children aren't robots; they're people who have wills of their own. You can influence but not control them. That's why parents must be praying for their kids often. God uses you, as a parent, to mold your child. As you work on the heart you will benefit from developing a character development plan uniquely tailored for each child.

Here’s an idea: Fold a piece of paper to make three columns. In column one, list unwanted behaviors you see in your child. In many cases this is a long list but that's okay. Putting the problem on paper often helps sort it out. In the second column try to group the behaviors into character issues. We find that challenging children often lack qualities like self control, sensitivity, perseverance, and gentleness, just to name a few.

In the third column identify positive character qualities as headings and then specific behaviors you'd like to see to replace those unwanted behaviors. Taking this information, develop a strategy to motivate your child to make small changes.

Whatever you do, don't show the paper to your child. That's too much for any one person to see. Choose one character quality to work on and look for positive ways to correct as well as proactive ways to teach the new character quality.

You'll be surprised at the small steps of progress you'll see. But it's those steps of progress that will encourage you and your child. After all, in many homes children are making small steps of progress in the wrong direction so turning things around is a tremendous blessing.

If you'd like help developing an Action Plan for your child, consider being a featured parent in a webinar with Dr. Scott Turansky. Or, learn more about this six-step character development plan in our book, Home Improvement, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.